A Fierce Love by Shauna Shanks

Author:Shauna Shanks
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Zondervan
Published: 2017-05-16T04:00:00+00:00

• Chapter 17 •

Up and Running

Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

PHILIPPIANS 3:13–14

Days and weeks went by with no discernible change in our situation. Yes, Micah still lived with us. Yes, I continued to live out my 1 Corinthians 13 Love Filter and continued to battle negative thoughts. But a dismal Halloween came and went, and the holidays were fast approaching. Micah remained mostly closed off to me. Aloof. Distant.

I wanted to fix everything instantly. This waiting around was really for the birds. I wanted answers, to know what my future would look like. I wanted a solution, resolution for my marriage. But it was all outside of my control. God had called me to wait. To be patient.

Ugh.

Conditioned by our fast-food, pill-popping culture, all too often we want a “quick fix” for whatever issue we are facing. We are in a hurry. We have little self-discipline. Because of our impatience, oftentimes we miss out on God’s best for us. We get tired of waiting and give up, mid-journey. We want our gratification if not instantly, then as soon as possible. We fail to realize during the tough times that God wants to teach us something. Not just something, but multiple things! Who he is. Who we are. What he’s done for us. What we need to change. Those weeks for me were a crash course in character building, a post-doctorate in self-discipline. And sometimes, I must admit, my Divine Tutor seemed a harsh taskmaster, loading on the homework and demanding the impossible.

One thing I learned is that when God asks us to exercise discipline in any area of our lives, there will be pain! Always. Discipline takes endurance. It demands consistency. It takes practice and patience, and it hurts! I recently ran across this quote by C. S. Lewis: “I didn’t go to religion to make me happy. I always knew a bottle of port would do that. If you want a religion to make you feel really comfortable, I certainly don’t recommend Christianity.”1

• • •

When I started running, I was learning to enjoy discipline. In those forty-five minutes of my day I could blast my music and duke it out with God. He had asked me to do something that felt ginormous to me, to give him my broken and mangled heart and entrust to him a future that seemed bleak and hopeless. Outwardly it seemed impossible.

Over the years, I had often been told I looked like a runner, that I had an athlete’s body. But I didn’t play sports in school and was not coordinated, nor athletic. Running was not something I had ever done, and keeping up with three boys felt like enough of a workout. At the end of a busy day I just wanted to reward myself with a warm brownie and cold milk, thanks.

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